Okay, this is a quickie. Well I hope so but you know sometimes I just go off on a tangent so forgive me if it suddenly becomes an essay.
Talking off essays I 'm so glad I'm not a student anymore. I had enough trouble getting my arse out of bed without such things as computers, ipods and Wii's to distract me. Also, the other day I found a pile of my old essays in the loft ( Okay, when I say "pile" I actually mean a "handful") and started having a browse through them thinking "Oh my goodness did I really write that!" For example on an essay entitled "What was the nature of Caesarism in France after 1848?" I'd written;
"After Boulanger's victory at the Paris by-election of 1889 France seemed to be on the verge of a new era. It was at this point that the Boulanger movement began to wither away; for Boulanger instead of consolidating his his power after his victory went to bed with his mistress preferring the tastes of another kind of victory....."
And my tutor has written;
" I take it that on one para you are writing perhaps in a somewhat lighthearted and jocular mood!!"
To which my answer is;
"How else can you treat French History????!
Besides, any race that finds underarm hair attractive has gotta be warped..... says Mrs T whipping out her Immac/Veet and trying not to get it on her head like she did last time.
In fact, the story about the Immac is actually true despite that many of you may think this blog is a complete pack of lies. Yes, I was having a beautifying session and decided I would Immac my legs, arms (and cough, cough) various other areas.... whilst having a soak in the bath. However, in all the various bodily contortions I had to postion myself into, somehow I managed to get the Immac over the back of my head where obviously I could not see it.....
The next day, I'm at Mrs D's house with Mrs P and we've just finished playing tennis, I pull off my headband (A necessity otherwise my view is obscured by my hair and I mistake Mrs P's arse for the ball) and my hair starts falling out! Loads of it ! And then I realise, as I find dried lumps of white globules like toothpaste stuck in my hair, exactly what I've done....
Nope, I don't really know how I did it either but here's a tip...
Don't try to make out with your rubber duck whilst plastered in Immac.....
Just kidding.
Nope, actually wait till you've got rid off the Immac......
Anyhow I'm supposed to be talking about Honest Bloggers. Now Usha and Eve's Lungs both received The Honest Blogger Award and have very kindly conferred it on to everyone on their blogrolls. So Mrs T has received it too... obviously they both felt it was too awkward to say;
" Everyone on my blogroll except Mrs T....."
Now what can I say? Hoorah! And now I've got this award some of you suckers out there may be believe everything I say is true....
Now about that time I climbed Mount Everest with Pierce Brosnan and was hunted down by a pack of rabid dogs.....
OK, so I have to pass on this award and also the award below from Usha which I received a couple of weeks ago for which I must follow the following criteria.
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize(optional).
5. And pass it on!
I'm only going to pass The Honest Blogger Award on to a select few. This is not because I do not feel anyone else is dishonest but because I think both my chosen recipients are honest to the extent that I am compelled to read their blogs and their insight into their own lives and personal development has shed light on my own. So I gave this award to Tamera for her blog Simplifying Life and Love and Mr Geoffrey for his blog Love's Passage.
For the seven Brillante awards I nominate;
Tamera for Simplifying life and Love Simply the best blog about relationships and personal development.
Mr Geoffrey for Love's Passage A personal story of the rites of love and maturity.
( Yeah, and I've just finished read his manuscript for his book also titled Love's Passage and let me tell you I had to take "Timeout" in the freezer for half an hour just to cool down.....)
Mr Geoffrey for Geoffrey's Farrago All about Life in Geoffrey's own inimitable style
Jack Payne for Con Man's Blog All about those guys who rip you off written in a succinct and amusing manner. ( I 've also been reading his book Six Hours Past Thursday. And I've worked out he likes women. Quite a lot. Jack... I'm looking for a Sugar Daddy.....)
Michele for Tales of a Neurotic 30 Something. Huh, a young upstart trying to steal Mrs T's Mantel of Madness. And who really should be blogging a lot more than she does.
Intrepid for Intrepid Ideas My favourite American guy with a touch of class (even though he vomits on his shoes.)
And who else but ....
Master Sy, my favourite English guy, for the amazing, witty and completely insane
The Wheel is turning but the Hamster is Dead
Well that's it for the moment..... so to all my friends out there..Happy Reading! You're all special in your own unique ways!
Ps, If your curious I got a B++ for that essay; not bad after a pint of pernod and cheese on toast. ( I await an email from Mrs A to tell me she got a First......)
Copyright Jane Turley 2008
Aw, shucks, Jane (old American Western movie style lingo, delivered by a 6-gun slinging cowboy who guns down the bad guys and kisses his horse), thanks for your high honor.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you're right, I've always been crazy about women. I'd just bet that, as recently as 62 years ago, you would have appealed to me as a knockout, drop-dead-beautiful damsel who would have really stoked my juices.
Also, love your writing style. But, please, before you ever consider trying a self-cure for insanity, don't forget, rehab is for quitters.
Only 62 years ago??!! But Jack I thought you were competing with Mickey Rooney? So I'm out of luck then? Blast, here's me hoping for a sugar daddy and you'd rather snog your horse!
ReplyDeleteYeah baby, as recently as 23 years ago I reckon I'd have got your juices going! And as I love intelligent men who make me laugh you would have had a fair chance of getting into my knickers without the use of a crowbar.
I ain't going to rehab, that's for people with problems. I don't have problems I just have a multiple personality disorder. That doesn't count does it??
Jane
ReplyDeleteFrench women and hairy armpits? Mais non, certainement!
As you know I live in France. Today I had lunch with seven French women. I thought it was a good place to undertake some simple empirical research regarding the state of their armpits.
I said to the woman sitting next to me, “S'il vous plaît puis-je voir vos aisselles?” (Please may I see your armpits?)
She replied, “Mais oui, naturellement. Voudriez-vous voir plus de mon corps?. (Yes, but of course. Would you like to see more of my body?)
Hairless pits…but I decided to change tack as I could see myself getting into big trouble fast here. There was always the risk that the next woman might exclaim, “Arrêtez-vous! Vous pervers anglais!” (Stop! You English pervert!), then call out the gendarmes.
So as one does, I decided to steer the conversation towards armpits. My friends seemed puzzled so I explained that an English friend of mine, Madame T, an English anthropologist of some renown, was about to engage in comparative empirical research about sexual attraction and the hair in women’s armpits.
The next woman responded, “Tu connais Madame Thatcher?”
Then another woman said, “Does this Madame T think we are like the Portuguese?”
The consensus went against you. Seven women, seven sets of hairless pits!
Their view in summing up, “It would be as true to say that French women have hairy armpits as it would be to say that English women are less good in bed.” They reconsidered as soon they realised that by their standards that might mean all French women had very hairy armpits.
“Nous disons que les femmes françaises regardent beaucoup mieux que les femmes anglaises, les aisselles poilues ou non.”
They seem to feel that regardless of the state of their armpits, French women may be better looking.
So now you know where I learn to write stories that set you running for the freezer! But like Jack I’m sure you could make my pulse race and my juices flow, Jane, even now.
Thank you so much for these awards. I’m deeply honoured. My “Loves Passage” blog is my very own take on humanistic socio-psychology. I wondered if “honest psychology” might be an oxymoron! I’m so thrilled you enjoy my blogs. I imported them originally onto my own web page from MySpace. I get so much more from the community here and at BlogCatalog then I ever enjoyed at MySpace. I’m pleased to say that I have made it to the one year point in blogging. I love it and I’ll continue.
Thank you again. X
Oh Miss Jane... You are a dream. I'm flattered!
ReplyDeleteDont be so bloody silly - you are perfectly honest about your affections for a certain Mr B and for chocolates . I gave you the award for that .
ReplyDeleteWell thank you very much!! I feel very honored. Now this means I have to keep up with my posts. Aaaack! Oh the pressure!
ReplyDeleteGeoffrey,
ReplyDeleteJust a brief comment then?? You know I'm not sure how you kept your novel down to 110,000 words, I don't think I 've ever met anyone who talks and writes so much!
I'm glad you did the translations as I don't speak French and I've never been to France. Shocking eh?! Could have been a problem...
Hmm..now this group of French ladies have a somewhat high opinion of themselves... English women are not beautiful?? Granted Cherie Blair does the nation a disservice but on the whole we're an race of timeless beauties....
And the implication that English girls are not good in bed?! HUH! That's all I'm gonna say about that other than the next time Paris is invaded don't count on Mrs T running the Resistance using my highly developed methods of subterfuge and secret killer dishcloths....
Oh, and don't forget I've read your book Geoffrey I know exactly what gets you going!! I reckon it would only take me about 30 seconds.... hee, hee, hee....
Mr I... well there's Geoffrey writing an essay and you with a succinct one liner. What's the distraction... paying homage to the Ryder Cup team??? Or cleaning your shoes??? Get back here and do some serious grovelling....
(Btw, I've got you down for 10 seconds....)
So I'll be generous; a minute for Jack
30 secs for Mr G
10 secs for Mr I
What's Sy going to come in at??!!
(Oooh I have been naughty....)
Mrs G... You are wonderful; I hadn't thought of it like that! It's true I don't deny it - I love Pierce and Chocolate. Now if I could only have Pierce covered in chocolate my life would be perfect....
ReplyDeleteMichele.. Sometimes a little bit of pressure is good! And you have too much talent to let it go to waste. So keep writing all those neurotic tales - they make me laugh!
Me? What will I come in at? I dont even think I got the belt buckle undone. This is for 2 reasons. The first being that I am not wearing a belt, and the second...I am not wearing a belt.
ReplyDeleteAn award...for lil ol' meeeee? I shall give it pride of place somewhere. Maybe tattoo it to my behind? Who knows...you decide!!
Master Sy, are you trying to tell me that you wear pull-on crimpolene trousers?? Just how big is your girth???!
ReplyDeleteHmm....the bottom sounds good but I fear for the tatooist's life should you break wind.... Therefore just put it somewhere on your blog!
On my "blog"?? You mean my Big Lengthy Orange Genitals? Because you know...the orange came off. How was I to know that sticking myself in a tin of baked beans would actually stain!! Crazy world.
ReplyDeleteHehehe. Trust you to make a simple award acceptance post into such a hilarious one. And the comments were great too. Thanks for introducing me to some wonderful blogs.
ReplyDeleteThat epilatory-cream-on-the-head stuff, I did it once too. And i thought I was the only weird one in this world. Thank you so much sistaaaaaaaaah HUGS! (wiping away tears)
I am ecstatic that you have "Immaced"your head too Usha. Honestly, you don't know how overjoyed I am! I really thought I was only one who was daft enough to do that!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed the post..but come on.... me...honest?!