Hold me back - I'm gonna blow soon

Almost everyday I see them. They are everywhere; on street corners, in town centres, in the parks, propped up against railings and walls.

They are driving me insane. When I see them I am physically repulsed. Sometimes the sight is so bad my eyeballs are practically popping out of my head.

Recently though, not only has my stomach been even more queasy than normal but I have found words bubbling in my throat, tripping around tongue, imploring me to allow them to burst forth.

Any day soon Readers I know that fateful moment is going to arrive when I wind down the window on my car and yell...

"PULL UP YOUR TROUSERS - I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTT!"

Yep, and when I get a mouthful of abuse in return I shall give my parting shot...

"Nice cheeks - shame about the boils."

Yep, I can't stand them any longer. I mean why bother? Why not just walk around in your underwear. In fact why not roll up your trousers and stick them on your head. You could go camping in them - put the flies over your head and you have an instant zip up tent or you could starch them and use them as teepee.Or why not just go the whole hog and leave the legs flopping either side of your head and swear allegiance to Bugs Bunny. Cos let's face it with your butt hanging out for everyone to see you might as well be a full time clown.