"I've got some hot book tips to make your sexy best-seller reach new heights," she said, breathing heavily and unclasping her bra.

Mr and  Mrs T are in the kitchen. Mrs T is making chicken pie (which turned out to be minced-beef pie - but that's another story.)

Mrs T: Have you got any ideas for promoting The Changing Room when I launch it?

Mr T: You need to write a blog post with lots of popular links in the title.

Mrs T: Oh yes, I always get more hits on my blog when I use key words.

Mr T: Something like;

"Cat jumps on keyboard to write last sentence"

Mrs T: (Puzzled look) Eh? It needs something with "sex" in it.

Mr T: Eh?

Mrs T: Something like:

"Sexy pussy gets knickers down in churchyard"

Mr T: That's how we met.

Now that is simply not true, dear readers!  Mr T is fibbing! I saw Mr T in a shop window and bought him very cheaply in exchange for two months supply of lunchtime sandwiches and a couple of cans of Pepsi.

However, Mr T is right - sex does sells books. Look at E L James success with Fifty Shades of Grey and all that whipping cream.

Hmm...was there whipping cream in Fifty Shades or not? I can't remember. Ah...who cares. I'm pretty sure there were whips and chains in it and something called a Red Room.

I have a Messy Room. It is way more interesting than a Red Room - try self flagellating with a copy of Collins English Dictionary and Woman's Weekly. It is soooooo much more fun. And you can increase your vocabulary and peruse knitting patterns at the same time.

So sex sells. Has anyone told Kim Kardashian that? I don't think she knows. Somebody tell her. I think she's missing a trick.

So I suppose what you folks want to know is - is there sex in Mrs T's novel?

Well yes...and no.

It's what I would call funny sex. Not graphic sex. You know - graphic sex is when you see two two dogs mating and it kinda makes you feel a bit embarrassed. Funny sex is when see a picture of two hippos mating and you post it on Facebook.

It's kinda like that. Funny sex but not with hippos. With a turkey.

Well if this post doesn't get some interest in The Changing Room I shall have to review my marketing techniques. Maybe go for the hard-core marketing stuff.

Anyone tried self-flagellating with War and Peace?

A sexy pussy.
"Come here, baby...Wanna stroke my fur and fondle my whiskers?"