Blogging A to Z: M is for Moaning and Monopoly

I've been thrown a few topics to talk about today and I've decided to plump for two: moaning and Monopoly.

So let's get straight on with the moaning. (It's a speciality.)

Monopoly must be the most boring game EVER. AS a child, I was often coerced into playing it but the truth is I would have preferred Russian roulette. Yep, if there had been a choice between 4 hours of Monopoly or a 1 in 6 chance of blowing my brains out I know which one I'd have chosen.

Now there are lots of hideously boring things about Monopoly. Chiefly, it is not played with real money. I mean who wants to play with fake banknotes? Not me. I want to play for the big bucks. I mean screwing your sibling over some fake paltry rental for The Strand can't possibly compare with the chance to screw him for a grand and blow his cash on some designer earrings. 

Here's another reason to dislike Monopoly - somebody else always gets to be the dog. When I was a kid I always wanted to be the cute little Scottie dog but, no, I always ended up as the iron, It's no wonder I have an aversion to ironing and household chores - I was traumatized by years stuck in jail with a deadly boring iron who had absolutely nothing to say for itself.

However, there's worse than just being the iron and in jail - you could be both of those AND the only houses you own are the two crappy brown ones.

Now that sort of scenario is the kind that makes marriage to Tom Cruise look attractive.

You know, when my siblings and I were playing Monopoly and I wanted to be the dog, I also thought how nice it would be to be a real dog. In fact, I often gazed enviously at our doggie whilst he scratched his butt, licked his assets and slept for three or four hours. The only light relief I got was by faking the onset of diarrhea and making periodic escapes to the bathroom.

However. because I am a positive person and like to see the good in everything (even in board games that clearly should be outlawed) I can say that there is, surprisingly, one good thing about Monopoly - it is excellent for driving away unwelcome household guests.  In fact, I keep my Monopoly board right by the front door and then if anyone drops by and I don't want to invite in them I just say; "Oh great, you're just in time for a game of Monopoly!"

Works a treat. Except for Jehovah Witnesses. You have to use Russian Roulette to see them off.

A fate worse than death.

You can check out the other Blogging A to Z candidates HERE.

Previous posts:
                            A is for Arses and Aidan   B is for Bullshit  C is for Chinese Crispy Duck and the Conservative Party.  D is for Diarrhea, Dinosaurs and Depauperation  E is for Eulogy for the Earth  F is for Ferrero Rocher G is for Guns and Girls   H is for Hope and Horny Jelly Men 
 I is for Igloos, Ignorance and Iguanas   J is for Jason Statham   K is for Kings and Kinkiness

  L is for Love, Loss and Laughter