Into the Depths of Darkness

A few weeks ago you may recall that I recounted the story of Johnny Potato VC - a potato I found in the dark depths of Master Benedict's rucksack.

Now, dear readers, I must own up to being a slack mother because after discovering the potato I looked no further - I was so distraught/gobsmacked/ashamed to look any further. Until this morning. When I discovered this:

A tube of Morrison's tomato puree which has, obviously, seen better days.
It's a miracle Master Benedict has not caught bubonic plaque.

But that's not all I found. Oh no. I am afraid the contents of Master Benedict's bag were gross beyond all imagination. Everything was stuck together in a tangled mess of decomposing food, mangled paper, bottles, wrappers and some hideous gooey stuff.

Down in one corner I found this:

I know you're asking yourself - what is it? That, my friends, is the box in which Master Benedict keeps
his gum shield. It's stuck to a decomposing food wrapper. I know, I know - it's almost inconceivable he would
actually remove anything from that box and stick it in his mouth - but then again he's a teenager and oral hygenine isn't
at the top f his agenda. 

Oh amongst all the crap I also found this:

That is a door safety chain and a packet of decomposing food  - I've know idea what kind of food as it is unrecognisable - as were the decaying (I think) sandwiches. Still, at least it's still in the packet as opposed to all the other stuff...

You know, when I lifted the door chain out of Master Benedict's bag some really terrible thoughts crossed my mind.  

Had Master Benedict mugged a granny on her doorstep? 

Was he planning to barricade himself in his bedroom and play Call of Duty for a month?

Or perhaps he planning to lock me in my study and therefore subject people all around the world to a merciless barrage of overwrought blogging? 

Anyway, luckily, just as I was ringing social services and musing over the potential ramifications of Master Benedict's diabolical plans, he informed me that he had made the safety chain in craft and design lessons at school.

To which I say..

Why can't they make something useful in those lessons?

Like a Porsche Carrera.

Why is it that they always make something you don't need? Like a three-legged stool that no one but Rumpelstiltskin would use. Or a necklace moulded out of metal which is so heavy that if you wore it would look like you'd had a stroke. Or a hand-stitched napkin that looks someone has vomited on it?

Why I ask you? Why? What drugs are all these craft and design teachers on?

Anyway folks, you know what the discovery of the tomato puree means? It means that very shortly I will have to continue the story of Johnny Potato VC. You can read about my discovery of Johnny Potato HERE and part one of his true (cough, cough) story HERE.

See you soon!