I'm not a celebrity, but I know how to become one!

So one of the reasons I've been silent is I have become to addicted to the TV show I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! I've occasionally dipped into it over the years, but this year I've become intrigued by it due to the presence of the indomitable Lady C, otherwise known as Lady Colin Campbell.

Yep, I've become fascinated by Lady C and her epic rants which make Hitler's tirades look amateurish. The bizarre thing is that by being completely rude and obnoxious Lady C is getting loads of publicity which seems a tad unfair on the other celebs who are far more polite.

But there is a lesson to be learnt from Lady C and I've worked it out...

If I turn myself into a vile, ranting witch I will get way more visibility for my books!

However, I have a problem: How do I make myself as mean and nasty as Lady C when I'm such a fluffy bunny rabbit type of person?

I finally figured it out today that there is only one method - I must inflict on myself the ultimate torture. A torture so severe that all the suffering I will endure will turn me into a bad-tempered, vile, monstrous creature and, therefore, propel me to celebrity superstardom.

What is this torture?

I think most women out there will know what it is...

I must shave off all my pubic hair and suffer the pain of spiky regrowth. 

Pubic hair re-growth - guaranteed to make any sane women insane.