R is for Rubbish Ramblings

Gasp. Yet another post I've left too close the deadline. Let's face it, I am rubbish at planning and self-discipline. However, I do have a treat for you tomorrow as I have an actual "S" post for you that I have actually spent more than five minutes thinking about! In fact, it was commissioned by one of the UK's national papers but, sadly, they didn't run with it which in writing terms would have been a bit of a breakthrough for me. Humph. I haven't figured why they didn't run with it (but apparently the offending newspaper has a practice of commissioning more articles than it needs) so I have decided that my article was one of the following:

 a) Too good (Well obviously I'd think that.) 

 b) Too bad

 c) Not sleazy enough. (Hard to believe given the general standard of writing on this blog.)

 d) Too humorous 

Anyway folks, you can let me have your thoughts tomorrow on why you think the paper didn't run with it. In the meantime, it's another quickie post!

Oh wait a minute... Master Benedict has just come downstairs to tell me to stop posting mentally scarring stuff on my blog. (Apparently my G-Spot post is a hit with his school friends.)

BOYS - QUIT READING MY BLOG AND GO AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Right, back to my R for Rubbish post. Let me make this a quick post as I have have family matters to attend to now. (I knew this blog would cause me trouble one day.) So here are twenty definitions of the word "Rubbish" as defined by... me.

1. The London Fashion Week

2. The Eurovision Song Contest (Goes without saying really)

3. The Paris Fashion Week

4. That ghastly newspaper that didn't publish my article. (Rotters.)

5. Kale smoothies (Obviously)

6. Those garbage/dustbin bags that always rip before you can even get them out of the trash can which, ironically, here in the UK we call "rubbish bags"

7. Those funny little cars with three wheels which look like they've been designed especially for Tom Cruise.

8. That awful Thomas The Tank Engine Film starring Alec Baldwin which nearly made me kill myself out of sheer despair and boredom.

9.Those little towels that they give you at the gym which you are supposedly meant to be able to dry yourself with but will barely fit around your left thigh.

10. Any food label where the writing is so small you can't read it without a x20 magnifying glass.

11. Croc shoes. Because they make your feet look twice as big as they are and like one of those kids on the front of a cheap birthday card where their head and feet are three times the size of the rest of the body.

12.Any product that claims to remove stains from clothes because NONE of them work. 

13. Cheap loo paper that feels like your wiping your ass on sandpaper.

14. Fingerless gloves because they make you look about 90 years old or like a criminal out of a Dickens novel.

15. Crotchless knickers. Because they are way too drafty.

16. The European Union. Hey, let's vote on it!

17. French restaurants. ( I have to put that out of principle as they are always bragging about being better cooks.)

18. Chick pea fritters. (Sticks fingers down throat.)

20. Those silly designer fascinator hats which makes celebs look like their wearing toilet brushes on their heads.

That's it. And so to bed!