On Friday I was offered a temporary job until May 31st in London. The £522 trainfare per month is going to eat into my salary but it’s a job and gives me breathing space.
The last few weeks have been hell. Some days I have felt physically sick knowing that in a few weeks time I would not be able to pay the bills. £72.00 a week job seekers allowance doesn’t go far. There were even a couple of days I had to force myself to get out of bed. The best I could manage was to scroll through the job sites and submit my CV and, at times, that took all my willpower. I had 18 days out of work but, for the main part, was unable to do anything but the barest of essentials.
These are classic symptoms of anxiety and depression. Fortunately, I have enough self-awareness and am well-read enough to be proactive in preventing myself slip any further. Chiefly, I contacted my friends, told them how I was feeling and asked them to come round and give me some support. Luckily, I have many kind and wonderful friends who I have been open with about the problems I am facing. They have been awesome.
How awful it must be to be depressed and anxious and have no friends to confide in. To feel isolated.
So I have made it through yet another crisis. Just. It has not been easy. Tomorrow I start my new job and hope it creates some other opportunities before the end of May.
And when I get home I am going to start building my new blog. And begin a new novel.
I don’t give up easily.
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I'm glad you have friends and the wit to call on them. You will survive. The year before my father passed, he was fussing at me for having zits on my face. I told him I was under a lot of stress. He says, "Well you better get used to it, stress is one thing you will always have." I felt sad that he had stress at his age and with what he had lived through.
ReplyDeleteThe bad news he was right. The good news is you get more resilient. But I don't get zits any more. Best wishes on the job.
Good luck with the new job. You're definitely a fighter.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you Jane. All the very best in your new job.
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